8 Things a Narcissist or Psychopath Will Say
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If you were in a relationship with a narcissitic or psychopath, the chances are high that you have thought to yourself, "Who speaks or thinks like this!"
Here are 8 things that are fairly common to hear from someone on the pathological narcissism spectrum.
1) "That's funny!" (When you stand up for yourself.) Some narcissists and psychopaths find it amusing when their partner begins to stand up for herself (himself). They see the assertion of boundaries from their girlfriend, boyfriend, or spouse as entertaining. However, not in a positive way; they can become infuriated that their status in the relationship is being questioned. For the psychopath, it is particularly stimulating, as it means they get the pleasure of a new challenge. The arguments can now rise to an entirely different, ugly level.
2) "They're just jealous of me!" Narcissists think everyone has admiration of them and wants more than anything to have what they have. Look the way they look or be as smart and phenomenal as they are. Therefore, when someone genuinely does not like them, because they find their behavior despicable, it is not uncommon to hear, "They're just jealous of me!" The reality is, most narcissists are extremely jealous of others. They are competitive and will try to destroy the work of another, steal it (e.g., copyright infringement), or minimize it. Why? Because they are severely insecure, dysregulated, and lacking a core self. Hence, they have to destroy any evidence that there is actually someone better than they are. (Think of the Queen in the Snow White Fairy tale). Some will become consumed with the success, intellect, or likability of someone else and fight these invisible enemies in underhanded manners. (The other person is probably unaware or not operating on such a low, emotionally immature, hateful level.)
3) "You're the kind of person that (insert on the spot personality evaluation of you here)" soon after meeting you. That assessment could be positive or negative. But that's not the point. People with normal boundaries, maturity, and social tact would never try to analyze the personality of another and then tell that person the analysis when they barely know them. A psychologist is not allowed to do this ever (and we are the ones trained and with the experience to detect personality traits). However, narcissists and psychopaths do this with minimal, if any, formal training. Regardless of their 'experience', it is inappropriate behavior.
4) "I never said (did) that!" They will re-write history right in front of you. And it is no surprise, in this re-write they are fully without fault. This is gas-lighting when someone manipulates you through a lie in an attempt to significantly change your reality, create confusion, or insecurity. It is a common, deceitful practice of narcissists and psychopaths; it is a cruel, morally bankrupt power-play.
5) "I don't know what you see in me." Yes - that is something a narcissist would say. And before you think, 'wow, that's so vulnerable ... he/she's opening up and being real.' I urge you to hold on; it's not that deep. If a narcissist has made that statement, they are usually making it for one of two reasons. 1) They need attention at that moment and since their personality structure is so fragile and fragmented, they need you (as supply) to pull it back together for them. If this question was sent to you via text, they may have sent that text to 6 other people at the same time. Once they are stitched back together by their supply (you | their audience), everything goes right back to normal for them. 2) They are experiencing a temporary state of sadness (like any of us would) and having a fragile core, they will struggle immensely to regulate their mood. In such instances they run to their supply to remind them how exceptional they are.
6) "People are just drawn to me; they'll do anything I say! It's crazy." Most narcissists and psychopaths are aware they have the natural ability to manipulate people. Even pathological narcissists who are not that bright. Although this sounds like a statement that no normal person would make; it actually reflects the truth. Many of them are 'great' at manipulation and get others to do whatever they want. Such statements reflect one of few times that the pathological narcissist demonstrates perfect insight into their personality.
7) "You're crazy!" This is usually heard by partners when they are within the devaluation stage (or after). They are no longer interested and will not exert any energy pretending. In fact, they want you to feel lower than low, therefore they will attack your mental competence. They give multiple messages (overtly and covertly) that your mind is damaged; you are broken in the worst way; you are not worthy of their conversation or time. Normal people, with empathy, would not strike below the belt with the intention of psychologically destroying their mate in this manner.
8) "You think highly of yourself, don't you?" This one is very simple - they see that you are demonstrating confidence. They feel you are attempting to have equal footing with them. This comment is often stated in a snide manner; indicating there will be trouble brewing soon. They will not tolerate an equal in a relationship. Ever.
Narcissists and psychopaths are very challenging - even if you complied with everything they want. The amount of energy that would require daily is unimaginable. It can be extremely difficult to live in peace and harmony when someone has this disorder. Their primary deficit is within an area that they pursue with the most vigor -- social relationships. And this includes social interactions of all types, such as leadership positions, pursuit of a mate, neighbors, coworkers, and at times, even as strangers.
When they are within those environments and social interactions, they create a great deal of strife that all surrounded will have to figure out how to cope and deal with them
Drop by neurosagacity if you need deeper assistance after narcissistic abuse. I'd love to help.
All my best,
Dr. Freeman ♡